Rahul Gandhi Jokes

Rahul Gandhi with his Colombian girlfriend

Rahul Gandhi (aka Raul Vinci) was courting Junaita (aka Veronique Carloz). The young couple sat in the parlor of the girl’s house night after night, much to the annoyance of old man Carloz. One night he couldn”t take any more. Standing at the top of the stairs, he yelled down, “What’s that young fella doin’ here all hours of the night?” “Why, Dad, ” said Junaita, ” Rahul was just telling me everything that’s in his heart!” “Well, next time, ” roared the old man, “just let him tell you what’s in his head, and it won’t take half as long!”

 

Q: How do you confuse Rahul Gandhi?
A: You don’t. He is born that way.

 

Between 1990 and 2000, Rahul Gandhi was desperately trying to get some sort of Vilayti college degree but failing in all tests. Here’s an inkling as to why.

NASA was conducting a survey to gather public interest in research on different planets. Thinking that volunteering for the NASA survey would impress his college professors, RG volunteered. The query was : Which planet would you like to travel to if NASA were to arrange an all expenses paid trip? Rahul Gandhi thought long and hard………………………………………. and finally said………………………………… ‘sun’!! Puzzled as they were, the surveyors asked him “Don’t you know that you’ll burn to death if you go anywhere near the sun?” Our man Rahul Gandhi shot back “Are you guys dumb? I’ll go in the night”.!! (BTW, till date he’s not got any degree. Are we to be surprised?)

 

Q: Why does Rahul Gandhi drive a BMW?
A: Cuz he can spell it…

 

During the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was generally jobless and had failed to get any college degree, he decided to try out getting a nursing degree at least. But he got thrown out of the nursing college on day one!! Any guesses why?? …………………………… He was found to be carrying a RED marker with him. When asked by his professor why he needed it………….. our Yuvraaj replied “In case I need to draw blood”!!!!

 

Q: How do you know that a fax came from Rahul Gandhi?
A: There is a stamp on it.

 

Rahul Gandhi was once holidaying in US with his Colombian (drug lord) girlfriend Junaita (aka Veronique Carloz), they witness a terrible accident on an isolated freeway in which a man was profusely wounded. Junaita went to check on the injured man and asked RG to drive up to nearest phone booth and call nine-eleven. For a very long time, no ambulance arrived and the poor man died. After all this RG returned back and Junaita asked him ‘Didn’t you find any phone booth?” RG said “I went to at least 5 booths, all phones have a ‘9’ key but none of them have a ‘11’ key. How could I call nine-eleven?”

 

During the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was generally jobless in US, he decided to visit Disneyland. He was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said “DISNEYLAND LEFT”.
After thinking for a minute, he said to himself “oh well !” and turned around and drove home.
On his way home Rahul Gandhi drove past another sign that said “CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES”.
By the time he drove eight miles, he had cleaned 43 restrooms!!

 

Q: What does Rahul Gandhi say when you ask him if his blinker is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

 

Desperate to get some academic achievement before returning to India and joining politics, Rahul Gandhi decided to do research and invent something. After using a lot of influence, Sonia was able to get him a guide from MIT. The guide told RG to think of what he wants to research and invent and come up with a list as proposal. But our dude RG was thrown out the moment he submitted his proposal list: he wanted to invent the following :  solar flashlight, Left handed pencil, Black highlighter, Waterproof tea bags and Braille driving manual !!

Rahul Gandhi the dumbo

Q: What does Rahul Gandhi and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

 

During the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was generally jobless in US, he decided to learn para-jumping. On the first day of training for parachute jumping, he  listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet. Then RG asked,

“How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”

“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”

After pondering his answer, RG asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”

 

Q: Why does Rahul Gandhi love lightning?
A: He reckons somebody is taking his photo.

 

During the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was generally jobless in US, Rahul Gandhi wanting to earn some money, decided to hire himself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for him to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”

RG said, “How about 50 dollars?”

The man agreed and told him that the paint and ladders he would need were in the garage.

The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”

The man replied, “He should. He was standing on the porch.”

A short time later, Rahul Gandhi came to the door to collect his money.

“You’re finished already?” he asked.

“Yes,”  Rahul Gandhi answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,”  Rahul Gandhi added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

 

Q: Why couldn’t Rahul Gandhi manage to make Ice-Cubes?

A: He couldn’t find the recipe.

 

During the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was generally jobless in US, he was in a plane flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.

“Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep.”

Rahul Gandhi exclaimed to his neighbour, “Wow! It just missed the highway!”

 

Q: What does Star Trek’s Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on Rahul Gandhi?
A: Space. The final frontier……….

Rahul Gandhi goes to a football game and finds his place in the bleachers. After a while, someone far behind him yells, “Hey, George.” Rahul Gandhi gets up and scans the crowd behind him. Not seeing anyone he recognizes, he sits down. Sometime later, someone yells again, “Hey, George.” Rahul Gandhi gets up again and looks around. Seeing no one he knows, he sits down.

A third time someone yells, “Hey, George.”

Finally Rahul Gandhi gets up, turns around and yells back, “Knock it off! My name’s not George.”

Q: What is the difference between UFOs and Rahul Gandhi’s views on economy?
A: There have been reported sightings of UFOs.

 

Rahul Gandhi was really dumb as a kid (too). In school, he sat next to a really smart student and the teacher knew he was cheating on tests, but she could never prove it, until one day. As she corrected the tests, the teacher saw that the really smart kid had answered a question, “I don’t know.” Rahul Gandhi had answered that question. “I don’t either.”

 

Q: What did Rahul Gandhi do when he missed the 66 Bus?
A: He took the 33 bus twice instead.

 

Rahul Gandhi was standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. Varun Gandhi walked by and asked him what he was doing. “I am supposed to measure the height of this flagpole,” said Rahul Gandhi, “but I don’t have a ladder.” Varun Gandhi took a wrench from his bag and loosened some bolts Rahul Gandhi helped him lay down the flagpole. Then Varun Gandhi got a tape measure his bag, took a measurement and said, “Eighteen feet, six inches,” and walked away. Rahul Gandhi shook his head and laughed. “Isn’t that just like a Sangh Parivar -wala? I ask for the height and he gives me the length!”

 

Q: What do you see when you look directly into Rahul Gandhi’s eyes?
A: The back of his head.

 

In the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was pretending to be studying abroad, he got real bored and decided to take up the job of mechanic in a car dealership. A couple bought a car and had the dealership add a few upgrades to it. When they returned to pick up their car, they were told that the keys had been locked inside. Going to the service area, they found the mechanic, who was Rahul Gandhi, feverishly working to open the driver’s side door. The woman instinctively tried the passenger side door, only to find it was unlocked. She said, “Hey, it’s open!”

Rahul Gandhi replied, “I know. I already got that side.”

 

Q : Why did Rahul Gandhi take 17 of his friends to a movie?

A : The movie poster read ‘not under 18’!!

 

Do you know why Rahul Gandhi was all excited because he finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months? The box said, “2-4 years.”

 

Q: Why does Sonia Gandhi write TGIF on Rahul Gandhi’s shoes?
A: To remind him that Toes Go In First.

 

In the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was pretending to be studying abroad, he got real bored and decided to take up the job as a data entry operator. During his company’s periodic password audit, Rahul Gandhi was found to be using this password:

GoofyHueyLouieDeweyDaisyDonaldMickeyMinnieDelhi

When he was asked why he had such a long password, RG said, “The boss said that my password had to be at least eight characters long and have at least one capital.”

 

Q: Why did Rahul Gandhi stare at the frozen orange juice?

A: Because it said “concentrate.”

 

Q: Why did Rahul Gandhi tell his girlfriend under no circumstances would he have more than three children?

A: Because he heard that 1 out of 4 children born in the world is Chinese.

 

Q: What do you get when you offer Rahul Gandhi a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.

 

Q: How do you describe Rahul Gandhi, surrounded by drooling idiots (Burqa Dutt, Sagarika Goose etc)?
A: Flattered.

 

Q: What do you call Rahul Gandhi in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.