Rahul Gandhi (actually Raul Vinci to his immediate family and friends abroad) goes to the see Jurassic Park along with his Colombian girlfriend and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat.
His girlfriend asks him “What Raul? Are you afraid of the cinema?”
Rahul Gandhi replies “I am an intelligent man, I know it is a movie, but does that animal know?”
Rahul Gandhi was touring UP in his ‘discovery of India’ trip. After posing for the cameras eating at a ‘Dalit’ home, he decided to visit the village school for more Kodak moments to be taken by the media cronies. He went to the class and declared that anybody can ask him questions.
One boy asked “How does a boat float?”
Rahul Gandhi thought for a moment, then replied, “Don’t rightly know, kid.”
The boy returned to his contemplation, but soon came up with another one, “How do fish breathe underwater?”
Once again Rahul Gandhi replied, “Don’t rightly know, kid.”
A little later the boy asked Rahul Gandhi, “Why is the sky blue?”
Again, Rahul Gandhi replied, “Don’t rightly know, kid.”
Worried he was going to annoy this big man, he said, “Sir, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?”
Rahul Gandhi immediately assured him, “Of course not, kid. If you don’t ask questions, you’ll never learn anything!”
Rahul Gandhi was cutting side of capsule before taking it.
His Columbian girlfriend asked him why are you doing so ?
He replied :-”TO AVOID SIDE EFFECTS”….!!
Before Rahul Gandhi ‘managed’ to get (or buy) a degree from LSE, he was the butt of jokes for his lack of education. So in a fit of anger to prove that he could compete with the best, he went to a job interview for a prestigious job. One common question was asked to all of them.
INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?
YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light
HARVARD Guy: It’s the Thought; because thought is so fast it comes instantly in your mind.
MIT guy: Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked
Rahul Gandhi: Its Loose motion
INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Rahul Gandhi’s reply, asked) “WHY”?
Rahul Gandhi: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!
By the way if you want to find out the ‘truth’ behind Rahul Gandhi’s MPhil, please read this
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a party and his host, Rahul Gandhi, naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease.
“Would you mind telling me, Doctor,” Rahul Gandhi asked “how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?”
“Nothing is easier,” he replied. “You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.”
“What sort of question?”
“Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?’
Rahul Gandhi thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, “You wouldn’t happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don’t know much about history.”
Rahul Gandhi was touring UP in his ‘discovery of India’ trip. After posing for the cameras at the school (see above), Rahul Gandhi wanted to pose near a humble eatery and went to eat in ramshackle hotel. To his surprise the owner who came to serve him happened to be one of his (supposed) classmates at LSE.
Rahul Gandhi called him and said ‘Aren’t you ashamed of working in a seedy joint like this? That too after ‘earning’ an MPhil from LSE?’
‘Not at all,’ replied the classmate. ‘I would be ashamed if I ate my meal here. I only run this place. If you had actually attended classes, you would have known that real scale lies at the bottom of the pyramid!!’
When Rahul Gandhi was pretending to be studying abroad in the nineties, he received an invitation, to a party which said “Black Tie Only”!!
When he went to the party he was surprised to find the other invitees wearing trousers and shirts as well !!!!
When Rahul Gandhi was pretending to be studying abroad in the nineties, he really got bored and decided to try the job as an airline steward. An airline captain was breaking him in. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the steward the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed Rahul Gandhi was missing. He knew which room he was in at the hotel and called him up wondering what happened to him. He answered the phone, sobbing, and said he couldn’t get out of his room.
“You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”
The Rahul Gandhi replied, “There are only three doors in here, “he cried,” one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”
Before Rahul Gandhi was put on private schooling, he was being sent to a reputed school in Delhi where all the kids used to make jokes about his dumbness. Well, one day Rahul Gandhi just got sick and tired of all the jokes. So one evening he went home and memorized all the state capitals.
Back in the school the next day, some kid started telling a dumb Rahul Gandhi joke. Rahul interrupted him with a shrill announcement,
“I’ve had it up to here with these jokes about me. I want you to know that I went home last night and did something probably none of you could do…I memorized all the state capitals.”
One of the kids, of course, said “I don’t believe you. What is the capital of Karnataka?”
“K”, Rahul Gandhi answered!
In the nineties, Rahul Gandhi had given up all hopes of studies and career as he had failed in everything. His mother, Sonia Gandhi, suggested that her son follow her footsteps. She suggested that he try working as a waiter and see if he also got lucky just like her. So Raul joined a bar as a waiter.
“How come you’re late?” asked the bartender, as Rahul walked into the bar.
“It was awful,” Rahul explained. “I was walking down Elm street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course.
“What did you do?” asked the bartender.
“I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!”
Q: How many Congress workers does Rahul Gandhi need to screw in a light bulb?
A: 100: Rahul to attempt it and the hundred to take blame if Rahul failed!!!!
If con is the opposite of pro then what is the opposite of progress.
Q: Why was Rahul Gandhi disappointed at an invitation to Rotary club?
A: Somebody told him that Lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night!!!
Q: Why do Rahul Gandhi and Diggy Singh hate the internet?
A: Because it has ‘RSS links’!!
Q: Why would Lallu Yadav support Rahul Gandhi for Prime Minister post?
A: Rahul Gandhi has promised that he will declare Lallu as the national animal of India if he becomes PM!!
When Rahul Gandhi was pretending to be studying abroad in the nineties, he tried many jobs and failed. One of his failed jobs was at a bakery. Here’s why:
A man wishes to observe his wife’s birthday by holding a party. So he goes to arrange a birthday cake to the bakery that Rahul Gandhi worked at.
Rahul Gandhi inquires him what message he prefers to use on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and tells: Let’s put, ‘you are not getting older you are getting better’.
Rahul Gandhi demands, ‘How do you wish me to set it up ? ‘
The man says, well put ‘You are not getting older’, at the top and ‘You are getting better’ at the bottom.
Why Rahul Gandhi was fired? When the cake was opened the entire party viewed the message decorated on the cake:
‘You are not getting older at the top; you are getting better at the bottom’.
Rahul Gandhi was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc.
Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote: YES.
When Rahul Gandhi, Congerss’ PM candidate was pretending to be studying abroad in the nineties and one day he noticed a gorgeous blonde sitting by herself in a corner of the bar. As he was getting up to talk to her.
Bartender : “Hey don’t worry about her, She is lesbian!”
Rahul Gandhi: “Lesbian or no lesbian, I get them all”
….and he stylishly holding his whiskey in his left hand walked to her table. Then leaping forward in a very sexy voice he says.
“Honey where exactly in Lesbia, you from?”
Rahul Gandhi was sitting with Lallu Yadav when Mayawati came to Lallu’s house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.
Rahul Gandhi along with Robert Vadra went to the US to visit a Senator in US. When the senator invited them home for dinner, the RG and RV were very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. RG asked “How can you afford all this on a meagre senator’s salary?”
The senator smiled knowingly and took them to the window.
“Can you see the river?”
“Can you see the bridge over it?”
“Of course”, said Robert.
“10 percent”, said the senator smugly.
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. RG and Robert lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his house, the American was stunned by the huge palace Robert had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc. etc.
“How can you possibly afford this, without even being a minister?”, he asked.
Then Robert Vadra called him to the window.
“See the river over there?”
“Sure”, cried the senator.
“Can you see the bridge over it?”
The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said -
“No, I don’t see any bridge.”
“100 percent”, said the Robert Vadra !!
During UP election campaigning, both Rahul Gandhi and Varun Gandhi were staying in the same village. RG was staying in a Congress supporter’s house while VG was staying in a BJP supporter’s house next door. The BJP supporter owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen’s eggs for breakfast.
That day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Congress supporter’s garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Rahul Gandhi pick up the egg. The BJP supporter ran up to Rahul Gandhi and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Rahul Gandhi disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally Varun Gandhi interfered and said, “In RSS, we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, whoever gets up quicker wins the egg.”
Rahul Gandhi agreed to this and so Varun Gandhi found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward Rahul Gandhi and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. Rahul Gandhi fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually Rahul Gandhi stood up and said, “Now it’s my turn to kick you.”
Varun Gandhi said, “Keep the damn egg!”
A Rahul Gandhi with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, “I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang – but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.”
“Oh Dear!” the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
“But what happened to your other ear?”
“The scoundrel called back.”
Once Rahul Gandhi was travelling in a train on one of his ‘discover India in your 40’s ’ trip. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the Rahul Gandhi deserved more service. So, when Rahul Gandhi fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, Rahul Gandhi was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his mother Sonia ” What’s the matter?” Replied he “The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else”.
On Diggy Singh’s advice, Rahul Gandhi and Robert Vadra wanted to place a bomb in Malegaon, so that they can get PC to implicate RSS for it. They had to place a time bomb in order to explode a building. So they were going on their destination in a car. On their way Rahul Gandhi asked Robert Vadra, ” Robert, what will happen if the time bomb explodes in this car itself.”
Robert Vadra replied “Don’t worry, I have a spare one”!!!!!
How can Rahul Gandhi kill a LION?
Rahul Gandhi thinks & thinks hard… & comes to a conclusion:
“I’ll drink POISON… & let the LION eat ME”
Rahul Gandhi proposed to his Columbian drug lord girlfriend. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.
He sets off to Africa and disappears.
Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one.
He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims “71st and *AGAIN* barefooted!”
Rahul Gandhi sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing
The bystander says: A Marathon race is going on
Rahul Gandhi: What do they get from that?
Bystander : The winner will get a prize
Rahul Gandhi: Then why are the others running?!