Rahul Gandhi Jokes

Rahul Gandhi with his Colombian girlfriend

Rahul Gandhi with his Colombian girlfriend

Rahul Gandhi (aka Raul Vinci) was courting Junaita (aka Veronique Carloz). The young couple sat in the parlor of the girl’s house night after night, much to the annoyance of old man Carloz. One night he couldn”t take any more. Standing at the top of the stairs, he yelled down, “What’s that young fella doin’ here all hours of the night?” “Why, Dad, ” said Junaita, ” Rahul was just telling me everything that’s in his heart!” “Well, next time, ” roared the old man, “just let him tell you what’s in his head, and it won’t take half as long!”

 

Q: How do you confuse Rahul Gandhi?
A: You don’t. He is born that way.

 

Between 1990 and 2000, Rahul Gandhi was desperately trying to get some sort of Vilayti college degree but failing in all tests. Here’s an inkling as to why.

NASA was conducting a survey to gather public interest in research on different planets. Thinking that volunteering for the NASA survey would impress his college professors, RG volunteered. The query was : Which planet would you like to travel to if NASA were to arrange an all expenses paid trip? Rahul Gandhi thought long and hard………………………………………. and finally said………………………………… ‘sun’!! Puzzled as they were, the surveyors asked him “Don’t you know that you’ll burn to death if you go anywhere near the sun?” Our man Rahul Gandhi shot back “Are you guys dumb? I’ll go in the night”.!! (BTW, till date he’s not got any degree. Are we to be surprised?)

 

Q: Why does Rahul Gandhi drive a BMW?
A: Cuz he can spell it…

 

During the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was generally jobless and had failed to get any college degree, he decided to try out getting a nursing degree at least. But he got thrown out of the nursing college on day one!! Any guesses why?? …………………………… He was found to be carrying a RED marker with him. When asked by his professor why he needed it………….. our Yuvraaj replied “In case I need to draw blood”!!!!

 

Q: How do you know that a fax came from Rahul Gandhi?
A: There is a stamp on it.

 

Rahul Gandhi was once holidaying in US with his Colombian (drug lord) girlfriend Junaita (aka Veronique Carloz), they witness a terrible accident on an isolated freeway in which a man was profusely wounded. Junaita went to check on the injured man and asked RG to drive up to nearest phone booth and call nine-eleven. For a very long time, no ambulance arrived and the poor man died. After all this RG returned back and Junaita asked him ‘Didn’t you find any phone booth?” RG said “I went to at least 5 booths, all phones have a ‘9’ key but none of them have a ‘11’ key. How could I call nine-eleven?”

 

During the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was generally jobless in US, he decided to visit Disneyland. He was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said “DISNEYLAND LEFT”.
After thinking for a minute, he said to himself “oh well !” and turned around and drove home.
On his way home Rahul Gandhi drove past another sign that said “CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES”.
By the time he drove eight miles, he had cleaned 43 restrooms!!

 

Q: What does Rahul Gandhi say when you ask him if his blinker is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

 

Desperate to get some academic achievement before returning to India and joining politics, Rahul Gandhi decided to do research and invent something. After using a lot of influence, Sonia was able to get him a guide from MIT. The guide told RG to think of what he wants to research and invent and come up with a list as proposal. But our dude RG was thrown out the moment he submitted his proposal list: he wanted to invent the following :  solar flashlight, Left handed pencil, Black highlighter, Waterproof tea bags and Braille driving manual !!

Rahul Gandhi the dumbo

Rahul Gandhi the dumbo

Q: What does Rahul Gandhi and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

 

During the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was generally jobless in US, he decided to learn para-jumping. On the first day of training for parachute jumping, he  listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet. Then RG asked,

“How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”

“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”

After pondering his answer, RG asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”

 

Q: Why does Rahul Gandhi love lightning?
A: He reckons somebody is taking his photo.

 

During the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was generally jobless in US, Rahul Gandhi wanting to earn some money, decided to hire himself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for him to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”

RG said, “How about 50 dollars?”

The man agreed and told him that the paint and ladders he would need were in the garage.

The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”

The man replied, “He should. He was standing on the porch.”

A short time later, Rahul Gandhi came to the door to collect his money.

“You’re finished already?” he asked.

“Yes,”  Rahul Gandhi answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,”  Rahul Gandhi added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

 

Q: Why couldn’t Rahul Gandhi manage to make Ice-Cubes?

A: He couldn’t find the recipe.

 

During the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was generally jobless in US, he was in a plane flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.

“Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep.”

Rahul Gandhi exclaimed to his neighbour, “Wow! It just missed the highway!”

 

Q: What does Star Trek’s Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on Rahul Gandhi?
A: Space. The final frontier……….

Rahul Gandhi goes to a football game and finds his place in the bleachers. After a while, someone far behind him yells, “Hey, George.” Rahul Gandhi gets up and scans the crowd behind him. Not seeing anyone he recognizes, he sits down. Sometime later, someone yells again, “Hey, George.” Rahul Gandhi gets up again and looks around. Seeing no one he knows, he sits down.

A third time someone yells, “Hey, George.”

Finally Rahul Gandhi gets up, turns around and yells back, “Knock it off! My name’s not George.”

Q: What is the difference between UFOs and Rahul Gandhi’s views on economy?
A: There have been reported sightings of UFOs.

 

Rahul Gandhi was really dumb as a kid (too). In school, he sat next to a really smart student and the teacher knew he was cheating on tests, but she could never prove it, until one day. As she corrected the tests, the teacher saw that the really smart kid had answered a question, “I don’t know.” Rahul Gandhi had answered that question. “I don’t either.”

 

Q: What did Rahul Gandhi do when he missed the 66 Bus?
A: He took the 33 bus twice instead.

 

Rahul Gandhi was standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. Varun Gandhi walked by and asked him what he was doing. “I am supposed to measure the height of this flagpole,” said Rahul Gandhi, “but I don’t have a ladder.” Varun Gandhi took a wrench from his bag and loosened some bolts Rahul Gandhi helped him lay down the flagpole. Then Varun Gandhi got a tape measure his bag, took a measurement and said, “Eighteen feet, six inches,” and walked away. Rahul Gandhi shook his head and laughed. “Isn’t that just like a Sangh Parivar -wala? I ask for the height and he gives me the length!”

 

Q: What do you see when you look directly into Rahul Gandhi’s eyes?
A: The back of his head.

 

In the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was pretending to be studying abroad, he got real bored and decided to take up the job of mechanic in a car dealership. A couple bought a car and had the dealership add a few upgrades to it. When they returned to pick up their car, they were told that the keys had been locked inside. Going to the service area, they found the mechanic, who was Rahul Gandhi, feverishly working to open the driver’s side door. The woman instinctively tried the passenger side door, only to find it was unlocked. She said, “Hey, it’s open!”

Rahul Gandhi replied, “I know. I already got that side.”

 

Q : Why did Rahul Gandhi take 17 of his friends to a movie?

A : The movie poster read ‘not under 18’!!

 

Do you know why Rahul Gandhi was all excited because he finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months? The box said, “2-4 years.”

 

Q: Why does Sonia Gandhi write TGIF on Rahul Gandhi’s shoes?
A: To remind him that Toes Go In First.

 

In the nineties when Rahul Gandhi was pretending to be studying abroad, he got real bored and decided to take up the job as a data entry operator. During his company’s periodic password audit, Rahul Gandhi was found to be using this password:

GoofyHueyLouieDeweyDaisyDonaldMickeyMinnieDelhi

When he was asked why he had such a long password, RG said, “The boss said that my password had to be at least eight characters long and have at least one capital.”

 

Q: Why did Rahul Gandhi stare at the frozen orange juice?

A: Because it said “concentrate.”

 

Q: Why did Rahul Gandhi tell his girlfriend under no circumstances would he have more than three children?

A: Because he heard that 1 out of 4 children born in the world is Chinese.

 

Q: What do you get when you offer Rahul Gandhi a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.

 

Q: How do you describe Rahul Gandhi, surrounded by drooling idiots (Burqa Dutt, Sagarika Goose etc)?
A: Flattered.

 

Q: What do you call Rahul Gandhi in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.

About these ads

About rahulgandhijokes

Hi, I am a patriotic and nationalistic Indian. I am sick and tired of this intellectually bankrupt remnants of this dynasty being thrust upon the nation by (mostly English) media. I am also saddened by the near extinction of right-of-center commentators and analysts in the mainstream media. With the online space being the only place where right-of-center politics can be articulated, I have decided to tickle some funny bones through this blog. Remember, as the name of the blog suggests, it's about jokes and satire. I can not vouch for factual accuracy of everything written here!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to Rahul Gandhi Jokes

  1. Mohit says:

    excellent work… keep it up dude…

  2. Raj says:

    Rahul ji advices that
    a) The fundamental problem of India is that youth are not in politics.
    b) Politics is in your shirt / your pant / everywhere

  3. Sagar says:

    Hilarious and so appropriate !! Do give us some more stuff on that dumbtard RG !

  4. Anonymous says:

    Kudos….awesome satire!

  5. excellent job keep going on. he fooled us when he is in foreign trip his getup is stunning, when he is in public meeting ……..he remains gandhiji

  6. Anonymous says:

    public jaag rahi hai !!

    aise post padh kar dil ko sukun milta hai, aur is nirashajanak vatavaran me ye ummeed dikhayi deti hai ki Bharat 2020 tak mahashakti ban sakta hai, jo ki yuvaon me jagrukta se hi sambhav hoga.

    I thought that the youth of our country is ignorant about that italian bitch and her gay son, but I was wrong. We need a big change in the system and it has started with youth awareness. keep up the good work.

    I am damn sure that we will make India a super power by 2020, we can do it and we will do it.

    • Anonymous says:

      I think rahul gandhi would make a great prime minister, he is youthful and smart, also goodlooking

      • Barcuch Goldstein says:

        “I think rahul gandhi would make a great prime minister, he is youthful and smart, also goodlooking”
        there is nice little figurine/bust of a man outside a premier mens clothing store. in Delhi ….that too is
        “youthful and smart, also goodlooking”
        I think that figurine / bust landed somewhat earlier than Mr Vinci / Gandhi / Rahul in politics. Dont you think we should be fair to it ?

  7. deepak says:

    poster is a joker

  8. Barcuch Goldstein says:

    Rahul – its time for you to meet Daddy and Granny. they miss you and your mother a lot.
    I keep praying that day comes soon. Oh ….I will be so so so so happy that finally this heavenly family gathering takes place. Before that happens – I would like see some vidoes of you sucking BJ on a lashkar ,MIM or SIMI terrorist. I think that would tell a lot about what your personality is.
    Whoever wrote these WONDERFUL JOKES- THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY DAY .
    IT WILL BE RICH ENTERTAINMENT. I WILL Chain email these wonderful jokes ( with credits to yourself …… ) . I though of just linking the page but on 2nd thoughts – felt that those pussies from congress might shut down this gem of a page.
    please keep up the good work.

  9. Barcuch Goldstein says:

    edit- they miss you, sister and mother a lot.

  10. Barcuch Goldstein says:

    this is what India is really hoping for ditto – Sonia , Priyanka, rest of congress and anti national moslem community
    “How can Rahul Gandhi kill a LION?

    Rahul Gandhi thinks & thinks hard… & comes to a conclusion:

    “I’ll drink POISON… & let the LION eat ME””

    Waiting and waiting and waiting …..for Karma to unfold……

    • Baruch Goldstein says:

      they just need to make sure part 1 happens…….
      for part 2 …….its the Lion’s wish. We are not going to force anyone. This is a democracy after all…

  11. Baruch Goldstein says:

    another one on Dumbo I remember…..
    Nareneda Modi and Rahul Gandhi are invited to debate .
    Namo says “I have integrity …honesty .. I served my country my eliminating anti Nationals not caring what the hypocritic pseudo-secular society said …got investment in Gujarat…..Gujarat has come up as the most forward state after BJP leadership …….I have it all ….
    charimsa …
    intellect …
    nationalism …
    passion ….
    experience ..
    grit ….
    courage ….
    honesty…
    integrity ….
    bravery…
    ” …..
    what do you have Mr Vinci aka Mr Maino aka Raul aka Rahul Gandhi ……
    what do you have …….? …you dont even have a decent degree……
    so …what do you have …….? .
    its a huge crowd of 10 Lakhs that has gathered to witness this live debate….
    lot of congress goons ( “Congoons” ) gather around and support the clown prince .
    …Rahul Looks up thoughtfully …
    …looks down ,…
    …looks around…

    and then finally yells “Mere paas Maa Hai…” ….”I have my Mother …”
    we all know what happened next.

    ( Still waiting on Karma to unfold on Rahul Gandhi family…….)

  12. Rohit Raman says:

    I think this page shows the RSS Culture. Sick, self centric, claims to be tolerant but least bit, weak and hypocritical, shameless and narrow, No one ever thought the Social media could also be taken over by this noise making idiots. This just falls in line with Porn Lovers!

  13. SIPPY says:

    The jokes on Rahul Gandhi are just excellent.In real life otherwise,he is very near to them.What can you expect from a leader(nonsence) of a boot licker party.

  14. Hi! this is a brilliantly written article. Well I just wanted to know if the writer is interested in writing more such stuffs ? lemme know…. or mail at jerry.parijat@yahoo.co.in

  15. indian says:

    Great w ork buddy!!!
    Keep i t up!!!
    Also post about some of the scams of d clown princ. Later…….
    Let thepeopleknowthetruth N make that Italian
    bitch n her clown son lose next election

  16. Zoya Nursingh says:

    Why did you stop? Please carry on! I wish people would desist from descending ti profanity and abuse to prove their POV…What you are doing is brilliant and should be emailed to the Sanjay Jhas and Kujriwalas and those who mindlessly worship at his STUPID altar. Thank you.

  17. Muskan says:

    Try visiting http://www.namovsrahul.in for an unbiased analysis, jokes, news and facts on these great personalities

  18. AS says:

    This is funny. Keep it up.

  19. Santa: Murge kaise diye?
    Dukandar: Rs 50, Rs 40 and Rs 10.
    Santa: Rs 10, itna sasta kyon?
    Dukandar: Sir ise AIDS hai.
    Santa: De do mujhe khana hai gand thodi marni hai!

  20. Pratik Swami says:

    Hello,

    http://ragahelpedbjpwin.blogspot.in/2014/09/its-official-raga-proved-more-helpful.html

    my second blog . Topic – Mr.Vinci.
    Please go through and leave some valuable comments that would inspire me to write more.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s